Good Morning Everypawdy!!
I hope everyone is doing well. We are all doing Great at One Day Farm, although it isn’t the same without Bart’s be-bopping presence. Yes, everyday I just miss that kid. We all do.
We welcomed another little Vizsla into our life shortly after Bart left us. Her name is TOWANDA! and we love her. She is nothing like Bart…thank goodness. That would have been too painful if she shared qualities or looks of Our Barty. Even though her daddy was Bart’s grandpa, they look nothing alike. She is girl V and girl Vs and boy Vs are so very different…thank goodness.
Although we had been planning on Towanda’s arrival for over a year, from a very special breeding, her arrival was good and it was bad. It was good because she brought in a much needed distraction and happiness from the pain I experienced from losing Bart. It was bad, though, because my heart was injured and guarded and I questioned whether I could love another Vizsla like I did Bart. Not in the same way I loved Bart, but to the same extent that I loved Bart. Towanda was not brought into our family to replace Bart. I was not going to give this sweet, innocent puppy a “job” to heal my wounds – that would not be fair to her. That was not why she was put on this Earth. For months and months I struggled with this – knowing she deserved to be loved whole heartedly but not quite knowing how to do that. I struggled to bond with her. I just plain struggled and I felt so sad that she was losing out due to my struggle.
This past weekend we had our 1st Big Dog Show and we had been practicing, taking handling classes every week and running through the living room on a show lead so she would know what to do. We were ready to rock!! We got there early so she could get used to her surroundings and she enjoyed chicken and the playfulness of other Vizsla puppies ringside. They called our class and we entered the ring, leading the way in front of 3 other Vizsla puppies who Towanda determined were chasing her to eat her alive! She was scared out of her mind and all she wanted to do was skirt away on her belly and get the heck out of dodge!! We made it through that showing, as well as 2 others that weekend, and although she improved she was still very nervous going around the ring. One of the Judges told me to have courage for her and get her through this because she is a beautiful girl and will do well in the show ring. This got me to thinking…and crying…a lot.
I felt so guilty that I had let her down and that she did not feel safe when she was with me. Bart & I could do ANYTHING together and I know it was because he knew that I had his back, always. I felt so terrible that Towanda felt scared and that I couldn’t help her at that moment. She deserved better.
Later that night I realized that she did not have that sense of complete trust in me at this time because we had not created a bond due to my broken heart. I also realized that my purpose with her was to provide her with courage and to give her that support to know that no matter where we are and no matter what happens she can rely on me to keep her safe and to love her. My purpose to Bart had been clearly articulated within hours of him coming into my home – I was going to love him like nobody I had ever loved and he was going to love me more than I had ever been loved in return. Bart & I accomplished that goal a million times over.
Towanda & I now have our purpose for each other – Courage. It will be a two-way street, with me leading the way and her teaching me about having Courage as well. I don’t quite know where this journey will take us or why this is the initial “direction,” but I believe it is right. I feel it is right where Towanda & I need to be and need to go, together. It feels good to have been able to give our relationship a Theme, if you will. It feels good to know that my purpose with Towanda is different than it was with Bart. It feels good to know that I can have the Courage to open my heart completely to this little puppy who needs nothing more than to feel safe. I can do this…
Darcy, Angel Bart & TOWANDA!