Found Our Purpose
Good Morning Everypawdy!!
I hope everyone is doing well. We are all doing Great at One Day Farm, although it isn’t the same without Bart’s be-bopping presence. Yes, everyday I just miss that kid. We all do.
We welcomed another little Vizsla into our life shortly after Bart left us. Her name is TOWANDA! and we love her. She is nothing like Bart…thank goodness. That would have been too painful if she shared qualities or looks of Our Barty. Even though her daddy was Bart’s grandpa, they look nothing alike. She is girl V and girl Vs and boy Vs are so very different…thank goodness.
Although we had been planning on Towanda’s arrival for over a year, from a very special breeding, her arrival was good and it was bad. It was good because she brought in a much needed distraction and happiness from the pain I experienced from losing Bart. It was bad, though, because my heart was injured and guarded and I questioned whether I could love another Vizsla like I did Bart. Not in the same way I loved Bart, but to the same extent that I loved Bart. Towanda was not brought into our family to replace Bart. I was not going to give this sweet, innocent puppy a “job” to heal my wounds – that would not be fair to her. That was not why she was put on this Earth. For months and months I struggled with this – knowing she deserved to be loved whole heartedly but not quite knowing how to do that. I struggled to bond with her. I just plain struggled and I felt so sad that she was losing out due to my struggle.
This past weekend we had our 1st Big Dog Show and we had been practicing, taking handling classes every week and running through the living room on a show lead so she would know what to do. We were ready to rock!! We got there early so she could get used to her surroundings and she enjoyed chicken and the playfulness of other Vizsla puppies ringside. They called our class and we entered the ring, leading the way in front of 3 other Vizsla puppies who Towanda determined were chasing her to eat her alive! She was scared out of her mind and all she wanted to do was skirt away on her belly and get the heck out of dodge!! We made it through that showing, as well as 2 others that weekend, and although she improved she was still very nervous going around the ring. One of the Judges told me to have courage for her and get her through this because she is a beautiful girl and will do well in the show ring. This got me to thinking…and crying…a lot.
I felt so guilty that I had let her down and that she did not feel safe when she was with me. Bart & I could do ANYTHING together and I know it was because he knew that I had his back, always. I felt so terrible that Towanda felt scared and that I couldn’t help her at that moment. She deserved better.
Later that night I realized that she did not have that sense of complete trust in me at this time because we had not created a bond due to my broken heart. I also realized that my purpose with her was to provide her with courage and to give her that support to know that no matter where we are and no matter what happens she can rely on me to keep her safe and to love her. My purpose to Bart had been clearly articulated within hours of him coming into my home – I was going to love him like nobody I had ever loved and he was going to love me more than I had ever been loved in return. Bart & I accomplished that goal a million times over.
Towanda & I now have our purpose for each other – Courage. It will be a two-way street, with me leading the way and her teaching me about having Courage as well. I don’t quite know where this journey will take us or why this is the initial “direction,” but I believe it is right. I feel it is right where Towanda & I need to be and need to go, together. It feels good to have been able to give our relationship a Theme, if you will. It feels good to know that my purpose with Towanda is different than it was with Bart. It feels good to know that I can have the Courage to open my heart completely to this little puppy who needs nothing more than to feel safe. I can do this…
Love always,
Darcy, Angel Bart & TOWANDA!
Puppy Cuteness!!!!!!!
she will never replace Bart.. and.. you should never feel guilty about loving her to the moon and back as well.. she has her own door in your heart with her paw print on it.. to fill with memories and love and proud moments!!
Im glad that you have opened yourheart to her now.. she will do amazing.. after all.. she has an amazing pawrent to love back!
Chrisitne… with Franklin in her heart♥
WOW! Talk about Bart still teaching you life lessons through Towanda! What a journey of enlightenment!!
And there is enlightenment woven throughout this thoughtful chronicle.
No, Towanda isn’t a replacement because Bart never has left you. But she is in your life to know what love and joy feel like and to bring love and joy back into your life.
I LOVE the breakthrough you had at this event. HUGE and really life altering moment.
I remember watching a Cesar Milan show where the human was still grieving nover the loss of her husband when she brought a new dog into her home. I don’t remember all the particulars, but the “e ergy” of the woman was sad and subconsciously closed off to opening up her heart.
Cesar identified that the puppy was reading the energy and reacting to it as though he caused it and didn’t know why. Once she was aware of that, she transformed her energy into a strong and con fident and happy pack leader and the dog’s “issues” were resolved!
You are an amazing Soul and loving Spirit! I cannot wait to follow this journey with Towanda! Your awareness is spot on! I’m soooo glad you two found each other….well….of course art made sure of that!!
And that picture!!!!!! OMD!!! She is soooooo cute!! That picture is pure happiness! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, post more pictures! And we would love video of her “practici g”!
Thank you for your beautiful and honest post today! You and Bart are such an important cornerstone to this community! THA K YOU FOR BEING HERE!!
With love and light and respect!!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
Awww, Darcy, when I got to the bottom of your post I was singing the Cowardly Lions song from the wizard of oz!
Courage! What makes a King out of a slave?
Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave?
Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk, in the misty mist or the dusky dusk?
What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder?
Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the “ape” in apricot?
What have they got that I aint got?
Courage!!
You and Towanda will find your courage together. No doubt about it!
xoxo
OMG … I read this like I could have been writing it. If you have at all followed me and Jasper Lily who came to me 2 months after Shelby passed, you know what I am talking about. I love that you have named it ‘courage’… the courage to trust, to love, to let down those walls.
Shelby, like Bart, was loved from day one and I always had her back. But Jasper, it’s been MUCH harder for me. But I am getting there and you will too! It by no means diminishes the love you had and have for Bart.
With love from a kindred spirit!
Alison with Spirit Shelby and little Jasper Lily
Very nice Martha!!!
Sorry, I had no energy or emotion left last night to post. I think it is hard when you lose your “heart dog” to connect again. Is it fear, anger, exhaustion, not sure. I can honestly say that up till now, most of my pups have sunk their paws deep into my heart. I now find myself a bit more guarded. It does not help that Daryl has glued himself to the Hubby’s hip either. I agree that working together will help you both. I now know that it took getting Chandler to heal my heart after losing my Muffin, years ago. We had taken in a neighborhood stray, I will tell Bingo’s story sometime, but always felt a block. Maybe it was her regular habit of getting skunked that did it. That and the fact that she was 3 or 4. I loved her, but my guard was up. We got Chandler a few months after we lost bingo to stomach cancer. Chandler was so tiny, so vulnerable. Well you know. Towanda is so cute! She has an amazing Pawrent. It just takes a bit of time. This made me realize something about my relationship with Lucy. She was gotten to be the Hubby’s farm help. She is a Corgi, so she should herd right??? nope…She is a pampered house dog who has decided that I am her Herdee. She seems to fell the need to protect me at all cost. Now, I am wondering if we do not have this backwards. Maybe, she feels the need to protect me because she does not feel I “have her back”. Yes. we get it. We all seem to be going through the same emptions here. It is so nice to be able to come here and talk them over sometimes. Hugs, Lori, Ty and the gang
Darcy I’m glad I waited for quiet time to read your post. It’s so honest and REAL and I know there are lots of us here who can relate to all of those things you felt when Towanda (what a cutie!) came into your life.
You’re so right: dogs are not put here for us, to heal us, that’s not their job. We are put here to compliment each other and make each other the best we can be. For some of us who are hurting, a dog comes along at just the right time and alleviates the hurt. For others, there are bigger challenges.
When dogs and humans come together, each arrives with their own sets of wants and needs. Figuring them out is part of the journey of building a strong relationship. You were honest with yourself, and publicly too, about your and Towanda’s needs, and that took a LOT of courage. Step one: nailed in no time at all!
It took a long, long time for us to figure out that Wyatt’s role with us was to teach us patience and understanding. Now that we have that part of our relationship down, well, at least the knowing part (practicing it is another matter!), we have been able to build a stronger bond.
You and Towanda will be rock stars together and she is gonna rock that show ring! The fun is figuring out how to make it happen. We are looking forward to following along.
Darci,
Broken hearts are hard to heal and letting in the new babies are hard after losing that special dog & bond that we had. Your words struck deep with me. I guess I didn’t realize I held myself back from Snickers some too. Snickers sometimes just needs that extra extra cuddling and she isn’t sure of me. Our obedience classes and Canine Good Citizen was a way for us to bond.
Just let her guide you. Take her to lots of shows you 2 have this “theme”. Courage is awesome and this little girl is awesome too.
You both are doing great things.
I love this picture of her.
Hugs & lots of love
Michelle & Angel Sassy