Good Morning Everypawdy!
It has been a tough couple of weeks for me and Bart. We did get another piece of good news that he does NOT have kidney disease! Hooray!! One less thing to worry about. Thankfully the incontinence has also ceased. It pained me to watch him sleep while dribbling on himself. Dogs are such clean animals and I just hate to think how he felt, even when he had his little britches on to keep him as dry as possible. I hope that is a thing that stays in our past.
I have been mulling over the idea of stopping chemo treatments on Bart for some time now. Last night, I gave that idea a voice and the relief I experienced from letting that stressful energy out of my head and heart and into the world confirmed to me that it is the right decision. Bart has still not rebounded since chemo treatment #3 and treatment #4 didn’t make things any better. The thought of the progression of his decline after 2 more treatments is not something Bart deserves and it is not the life we choose for him. His eating is poor because he does not feel good…period. I know he turns his nose up to food because he feels sick because I can get him to eat decently (at best) after he has had his full doses of Cerenium, Ondansetron & Mirtazapine. Cerenium and Mirtazapine can only be given every 24 hours and we have added the Ondansetron, which can be given every 8 – 12 hours, to keep him from feeling yucky. I have him at work with me today so I can make sure he can get his meds every 8 hours because my work schedule and commute otherwise keep me away for 12 hours. By the time I get home, he is just not himself and it pains me to see him like that.
When we began this journey for the 2nd time, I promised myself that if the chemo was wreaking havoc on his 9 year old body I would not continue. Of course, in the back of my mind I was hoping he would make it through the protocol like he did when he was 3 and that I would not have to contemplate what to do. Honestly, there is nothing to think about. Bart can’t live like this and there is nothing to suggest that he would miraculously do better after another 2 rounds. So, no more chemo, Bart, no more. I promised I would take care of YOU and I will do that even if it requires making tough decisions to give you the quality of life you have earned and so deserve.
Do I feel defeated? A little…
Am I disappointed? A little
Do I believe that caring for Bart in this fashion is the right thing to do? ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY!!! He is My Barty, in some circles he is knows as Our Barty, and he is going to live life to the fullest…I owe him that for all he has done for me and those he has met in his life.
As soon as we get this nausea under control, we will venture to the next chapter in his life which will include keeping him as healthy as we can. I am blessed to have a great holistic vet in our corner who I trust to lead me in the right direction in a manner that does not include chemical warfare destroying his body.
This is when Strength & Courage take on a real persona.
This is when Strength & Courage are more than just words.
This is when Strength & Courage will shed light in the darkness.
Thank you for allowing me to give his tough decision a voice and to release the energy I have been holding in for a while.
Love & Wiggles,
Darcy & Bart