We are looking forward to the weekend for no other reason but that it gives me 2 full days of uninterrupted Barty time!!
Bart is back to feeling his old self. He is no longer taking any anti-nausea or appetite stimulants and is eating great!!
After our last post, I spoke to his oncologist whose opinion, experience and kindness I value with all my heart. He helped save Bart’s life in 2008, and has been a wonderful person to work with this time as well. He advised that Bart’s symptoms were very dose dependent and he could reduce the amount of chemo since he was having such a terrible time rebounding. I held that idea in my head and my heart for a week, so I could see how it resonated with me. It did not bode well with my instincts for Bart. In my heart, I know that the right decision is to stop chemo. Today I cancelled his chemo appointment for next Wednesday and left a message for his oncologist about my final decision. I look forward to speaking to his oncologist so I can tell him what a difficult decision it was, that I took everything he told him into consideration, but that as Bart’s mom and advocate I know this is the right decision.
I was reading a post by Bailey’s mom, who also decided to stop chemo. I bet she is glad to see Bailey rebounding. I hope she is at peace with her decision as much as I am with mine.
At this point, I am relishing in the fact that Bart has his sparkle back in his eyes. He is no longer looking to me for help. He is now looking to me for friendship. He no longer looks confused and scared. He now looks confident. He looks at me as if to say, “Thanks, Mom, for keeping your promise to me and making sure that I can BE ME for whatever amount of time we may have together!” Bart has given me sooo much in my life that I owe it to him to bite the bullet and make the right, albeit difficult decision, for him.
Nothing is certain in the future. What I do know for certain is that right now Bart feels good! Right now Bart has energy! Right now I feel free!!
Hugs to all of you. This journey is not only difficult on our fur babies, but there are forks in the road on this journey where we humans have to make very difficult decisions as well. Although none of this is easy, I would not trade this adventure I have had with Bart for anything in the world. It is made me a better person. It has made me a stronger person. And I have met some of the most wonderful people along the way.
Darcy & Bart